CHENG DU - EAT, SHIT AND SLEEP!
I’m all for biodiversity. Some people would even go as far as to say that I’m an animal lover. Others would say I’m a lover of animals. Heck I even had a dog once and dutifully loved it till it passed it away (RIP Tiger) but sometimes even I’m left scratching my head at the point of some species.
Mostly due to the fact I had nothing else to do I headed out to the Giant Panda Breeding Centre in Cheng Du. It’s very close to town and it’s where they do all those weird sexual experiments on these animals in order to “propagate the species”. This normally involves dressing the females in skimpy lingerie and shaving the males like poodles. I only wish it was that glamorous.
In reality panda love can be quite grubby. Normally they can’t even reproduce without human help, panda porn, vaseline and a turkey baster.
In herein lies the crux of the issue. Call me insensitive but if you can’t even fuck without the help of two guys in white lab coats then do you really deserve to continue as a viable species on this planet.
Besides being the inspiration for cheap cuddly toys manufactured by sweat shops all over China what use are they? From my thirty minute observation (about 29 mins too long) the normal panda day consists of sitting on your arse eating bamboo stalks, sleeping, sleeping and more sleeping.
If a species ever had “Extinct” stamped all over it then this has to be one of them.
P.S. Panda poo is green.
Mostly due to the fact I had nothing else to do I headed out to the Giant Panda Breeding Centre in Cheng Du. It’s very close to town and it’s where they do all those weird sexual experiments on these animals in order to “propagate the species”. This normally involves dressing the females in skimpy lingerie and shaving the males like poodles. I only wish it was that glamorous.
In reality panda love can be quite grubby. Normally they can’t even reproduce without human help, panda porn, vaseline and a turkey baster.
In herein lies the crux of the issue. Call me insensitive but if you can’t even fuck without the help of two guys in white lab coats then do you really deserve to continue as a viable species on this planet.
Besides being the inspiration for cheap cuddly toys manufactured by sweat shops all over China what use are they? From my thirty minute observation (about 29 mins too long) the normal panda day consists of sitting on your arse eating bamboo stalks, sleeping, sleeping and more sleeping.
If a species ever had “Extinct” stamped all over it then this has to be one of them.
P.S. Panda poo is green.
posted by Hooner at 2:51 pm
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