I'M A VEGETABLE!

Today I am a vegetable. Possibly an over ripe banana. Okay that’s a fruit. Yellow on the outside and mushy on the inside. I had a massive Saturday night which has unfortunately left me in a partly vegetative state. All I am able to do is suck food through a straw and blink yes or no answers to monosyllabic questions.

Let’s recap what happened. I had a few drinks at Beach Blanket Babylon in Notting Hill for Britney’s birthday and all I can say is wowser! It comes complete with a greasy haired maitre de who greets you at the door with a hearty “good evening” in an outrageous french accent and incredibly stunning waitresses who have probably never heard the phrase minimum wage in their entire lives. Despite the boner value it’s a little too pretentious for my liking.

Off to Notting Hill Arts Club. This place is really fucking cool and we boogied away to classic rock and reggae. Congratulations to Britney on remaining standing at the end of the night despite the obligatory alcoholic torture one is usually put through on their birthday.

Not content with the queasy feeling in my stomach or the dry retching it was off to Camoflauge in town. It was shit. I had clearly been lied to by the fellas. Full of students and even more students. Time to stumble home.