ASSIMILATE! ASSIMILATE!
Once again Australia’s reputation as a fair, tolerant nation is being dragged over the hot coals of international opinion after last weekend’s fracas in Sydney. Not only do we not like Aborigines but you can add Lebs and Wogs to that list as well.
The main complaint seems to be that immigrants just aren’t assimilating. I suppose that begs the question when are you considered to be a real Australian and if you haven’t yet assimilated how do we go about it. Is there a book I can buy? Well punters I’m afraid there’s only one road to assimilation and it’s paved in gold. Olympic Gold! You know you’ve made it as an Australian if you have represented Australia in sport. Once you’ve won who cares if you were previously part of a murderous government regime, a nazi (admittedly you would probably be too old to compete in the Olympics now but there is the Masters Olympics for geriatrics) or used to torture bunny rabbits for fun. We certainly won’t.
Migrant communities need to look to their strengths and encourage their children to take up the appropriate sports to win gold for Australia. Peoples from war stricken countries should be encouraged to take up shooting. Who needs a good education or job prospects when one day you could have your face on a box of WeetBix (or do I dare to dream Nutragrain) like Michael Diamond. If you want to go to university though I couldn’t imagine why, go there on a rugby scholarship like a normal person.
Boat people should be taking up sailing. If you can sail a leaking, disintegrating boat with fifty of your relatives across the Indian Ocean then sailing Australia III in the America’s Cup should be a piece of piss. Bugger John Bertrand we want Billy Nguyen.
Even I’m getting in on the act. My kids will be actively fed a strict diet of badminton, ping pong and archery from when they can walk. They will also only be taught those three words so that they will not be distracted by anything else in the pursuit for gold.
Migrants from Eastern Europe should take up weightlifting or other power based sports. Oops we’ve already been importing these guys in for years. As a nation we could double if not triple the number of medals we win at the next Olympics. Let’s stop giving out citizenships based on boring economic reasons and base our assessments purely on sporting ability. Think about it, boxers from Cuba, bobsledders from Jamaica, long distance runners from Kenya, ping pong players from Holland. The possibilities are endless. It will be only when politicians finally see sense and align our immigration laws to our Olympic goals that racial harmony will be achieved in our lifetime and we’ll finally beat those bloody yanks!
Let’s stop playing the blame game. Who cares who started what or why they did what they did. I don’t give a damn. If you’re dumb enough to beat people up while being filmed on camera then you deserve to go to jail for gross stupidity.
PS. I was going to encourage Indians to play cricket but that’s kind of pointless really.
The main complaint seems to be that immigrants just aren’t assimilating. I suppose that begs the question when are you considered to be a real Australian and if you haven’t yet assimilated how do we go about it. Is there a book I can buy? Well punters I’m afraid there’s only one road to assimilation and it’s paved in gold. Olympic Gold! You know you’ve made it as an Australian if you have represented Australia in sport. Once you’ve won who cares if you were previously part of a murderous government regime, a nazi (admittedly you would probably be too old to compete in the Olympics now but there is the Masters Olympics for geriatrics) or used to torture bunny rabbits for fun. We certainly won’t.
Migrant communities need to look to their strengths and encourage their children to take up the appropriate sports to win gold for Australia. Peoples from war stricken countries should be encouraged to take up shooting. Who needs a good education or job prospects when one day you could have your face on a box of WeetBix (or do I dare to dream Nutragrain) like Michael Diamond. If you want to go to university though I couldn’t imagine why, go there on a rugby scholarship like a normal person.
Boat people should be taking up sailing. If you can sail a leaking, disintegrating boat with fifty of your relatives across the Indian Ocean then sailing Australia III in the America’s Cup should be a piece of piss. Bugger John Bertrand we want Billy Nguyen.
Even I’m getting in on the act. My kids will be actively fed a strict diet of badminton, ping pong and archery from when they can walk. They will also only be taught those three words so that they will not be distracted by anything else in the pursuit for gold.
Migrants from Eastern Europe should take up weightlifting or other power based sports. Oops we’ve already been importing these guys in for years. As a nation we could double if not triple the number of medals we win at the next Olympics. Let’s stop giving out citizenships based on boring economic reasons and base our assessments purely on sporting ability. Think about it, boxers from Cuba, bobsledders from Jamaica, long distance runners from Kenya, ping pong players from Holland. The possibilities are endless. It will be only when politicians finally see sense and align our immigration laws to our Olympic goals that racial harmony will be achieved in our lifetime and we’ll finally beat those bloody yanks!
Let’s stop playing the blame game. Who cares who started what or why they did what they did. I don’t give a damn. If you’re dumb enough to beat people up while being filmed on camera then you deserve to go to jail for gross stupidity.
PS. I was going to encourage Indians to play cricket but that’s kind of pointless really.
posted by Hooner at 10:38 pm
2 Comments:
... Why Jamaica and bobsledders?
I understand the rest, fair enough, but that one remains elusive.
Cool Runnings. Maybe I'm showing my age. =)
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