IT'S ALL GREEK TO ME

A mate’s dislike for management talk got me thinking. Everyone speaks like this in the office and after a while the odd phrase or two starts slipping into your own conversations and before you’ve realised it, you’ve become one of them. A clone. The living dead (or undead). I’ve included some examples below and what they really mean.

World – “I believe that sits in my world” means my megalomaniac tendencies have developed to a point were I see my four cubicles as an independent territory over which I rule despotically.

Offline – “I concede that we need to discuss this further. How about we take this offline?” means you are talking way too long about this and we are sick of hearing about it so shut up.

Going Forward - “Going forward we should ensure that all trades are captured” means because you have fucked this up so far I’m now telling you what you should be doing from now on so pay attention.

High Level – “My high level perspective on this” means I don’t really know anything about this but I’ll give you my meaningless opinion on this anyway.

Touch Base – “Can we touch base later?” means I really don’t want to talk to you right now so can you please call me at some other time.

Tactical – “I’ve implemented a tactical solution in the meantime” means it pretty fucked right now but I’ve sticky taped it together and let’s hope it doesn’t blow up before I leave for Brazil.

Leverage – “Let’s leverage off what equities currently do for this” means I couldn’t be stuffed coming up with our own process so let’s copy someone else’s.