IF THOUST PRICK ME..........
Saturday night was very much like every other, well sort of. Britney was having his welcome home from New York cocktail do at his swanky place in Maida Vale which was great fun (especially once I'd had a few). He should never be allowed near margerita mix ever again. Just because it’s a cocktail doesn’t mean it has to taste like urine. Anyway, being one of the few chongers there (possibly the only non Queenslander), I couldn’t help but ponder about my lack of chonger friends. I'm not exactly sure why but I've always never had well, any close chonger friends. I have friends who are white, I have friends who are brown, friends who are chocolate but somehow I feel like I'm missing something. I'm missing yellow from my rainbow of friendship and yellow is a primary colour! (I think)
I can't quite put my finger on what it is about me that is the problem. If thoust prick me doth I not bleed yellow? I stewed on this for a little while. Growing up in western Sydney I was often the only chonger in school and it may have been during this crucial stage of my social development that I lost touch with the “Chi” (the asian version of the Force). It was within the red hot crucible of my primary school days that vital decisions were made which would ultimately shape me into who I am today. I played footy instead of badminton/ping pong. My hero was Terry Lamb not Jackie Chan. I liked heavy metal (just a phase) and not k-pop. I preferred potato salad over kimchi. Gradually, over time my asianess eroded away to nothing. I had become assimilated.
Well fuck that! I’ve now made a conscious decision to become more asian. Like Kunte Kinte I’m going to go back to my roots. I’m going to smoke like it’s going out of fashion. I’m going to make loud snorting noises and spit everywhere. I’m going to bargain at McDonalds. I’m going to make the peace sign when photographed. I’m going to eat parts of animals that usually are made into hotdogs and enjoy it. I’m going to love kareoke.
This might be easier than I first thought.
I can't quite put my finger on what it is about me that is the problem. If thoust prick me doth I not bleed yellow? I stewed on this for a little while. Growing up in western Sydney I was often the only chonger in school and it may have been during this crucial stage of my social development that I lost touch with the “Chi” (the asian version of the Force). It was within the red hot crucible of my primary school days that vital decisions were made which would ultimately shape me into who I am today. I played footy instead of badminton/ping pong. My hero was Terry Lamb not Jackie Chan. I liked heavy metal (just a phase) and not k-pop. I preferred potato salad over kimchi. Gradually, over time my asianess eroded away to nothing. I had become assimilated.
Well fuck that! I’ve now made a conscious decision to become more asian. Like Kunte Kinte I’m going to go back to my roots. I’m going to smoke like it’s going out of fashion. I’m going to make loud snorting noises and spit everywhere. I’m going to bargain at McDonalds. I’m going to make the peace sign when photographed. I’m going to eat parts of animals that usually are made into hotdogs and enjoy it. I’m going to love kareoke.
This might be easier than I first thought.
posted by Hooner at 10:19 pm
4 Comments:
I can't wait for you to get into on-line gaming, weird comic collections, J-Pop, K-Pop, bad driving, and not walking in a straight line.
Not to mention developing a Hello Kitty fetish..
Already have the Hello Kitty undies mate.
feeling guilty about the white than thou image that you acquired? Not to worry, instead of drink beer for your daily H2O intake switch to binge drinking red wine or cognac or (if you have a doner liver lined up) those white spirits that they serve in nth China. In no time, you'll be recognised as a blue blood Asian again. Chi will be flowing forth from your stomach faster than Katrina reaching New Orleans.
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