OH THE HUMANITY!

For those who know me well when it comes to girls I have an incredible ability to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. My Saturday night in New York was a case in point unfortunately witnessed in all of its glory by Britney. I was hurting bad after the night before when I had hopped straight off the plane and bar hopped round 3rd and 37th till 5 in the morning and our dinner at Mandoo Bar was playing havoc with my stomach. I was retching and literally had chest pains (love my Korean food). Britney and I had decided to go to the meat-packing district to get into whatever club which would let two fellas in. Crobar had guest DJ Roger Sanchez so it was declared the winner. (This guy plays all over the world – lucky prick). It was a pretty impressive looking club. They even had performance artists. My favourites were the ones in period dress dancing to a cracking rendition of “Amadeus, Amadeus”. That’s entertainment!

Off to pack some meat

Performance artists. Can't get enough of em.

Onto the embarrassing detail, once we had gotten in it didn’t look good. Frankly it was a sausage factory (well I’m hoping it was and not a gay club though there were a shit load of pre op trannies and they were celebrating the anniversary of some gay pride thing). The mix was roughly 80/20 blokes to sheilas. Britney and I were in for a tough night or were we? (The more I think about it the more it’s all starting to make sense)

Anyway I had noticed a fair few nice asian birds starting to come into the club now and had noticed one in particular. Even though I was playing hard to notice after a while she came straight up to us for a chat. Turns out she was Korean American from LA studying law at NYU (I knew she was Korean). How hot was she? She was pretty damn hot. Britney, who’s only requirement is that they be blonde and tanned (notice no age requirement so he likes the prune like ones too) was impressed and took great pleasure of reminding me all weekend. How keen was she? She was pretty keen (I think it’s my new pointy hair do) Now, If you’re not paying attention this is where I dropped the ball. After her friends had convinced her to go dance, I probably should of gone with her. What did I do? Nothing! At this point Britney should of given me the kick in the arse and smack across the head I deserved but was it forthcoming? No! (I have to at least try to blame someone else)

Even better, as I danced amongst the heaving mass of blokes! (Roger Sanchez is farking good DJ. I’d dance with Satan himself) who suddenly popped up with her friends and what did I do. Nothing! Oops dropped the ball again! She left in a huff. It felt like dropping the ball over the line with the line wide open and the World Cup there to be won.

I’m only writing about this failure as it was particularly galling and I wanted to set the story straight before Britney got his dirty grubby fingers into it. I think Britney summed it up quite nicely when he described watching it to like watching the Hindenberg going down in flames in 1937. I couldn’t disagree. Oh the humanity!

I’ll write more on New York when I’ve got more time. Let’s just say it’s the best city in the world and I had a great time proven by my hacking smokers cough. (Why doesn’t Joe Camel ever cough his guts up on TV?)

The Slug Count - I've lost track I think it's seven!