PLEASE LET IT BE CHOCOLATE

I've never ever been a big fan of public toilets my least favourite being the ones where anyone can go to do their business and I try and avoid them like the plague. I could even tell you of some horror situations I’ve experienced in China (the land of the squatter). However, I don’t mind toilets at work as you expect a certain level of cleanliness.

But today I went to the bathroom cubicle at work at to find a dollop on the floor. I shit you not! A dollop of shit was on the floor of the cubicle. Now I’ve tried to think of a number of ways it could of gotten there but none of them make logical sense.

1.The fella was busting so hard that when he got there he shot an explosive turd into the back of the cistern, a piece of which then flew between the gap of his legs and the front of toilet seat onto the floor without him seeing it. Probability – a billion to one. If this actually happened he should buy a lottery ticket.
2.He was using his hand as there was no toilet paper and flicked it onto the floor. Probability – a trillion to one. There was plenty of paper in the bathroom.
3.The offending item was hanging off a dag when he turned around and it fell onto the floor. Probability – ten to one.

What baffles me is wouldn’t you try and clean it up? The fact that he left it there for the next poor unsuspecting soul to see (and deal with) is what really pisses me off.

I now suspect everyone of being the culprit (the dirty poo dolloper) and watch them suspiciously as they enter the bathroom. All I know is that there’s some bugger on my floor whose hand I don’t want to shake.

Dag (aussie slang) – wool on a sheep’s bum. A dag is usually covered in faeces as sheep obviously can’t wipe their bottoms.

Mulesing (verb) – a practice where skin around sheep’s bum is removed with very sharp shears. Prevents dags.

I suggest that this man be found immediately and given a mulesing quick smart.