XIAN - YOU DA PLAYBOY! NO YOU DA PLAYBOY!

I had heard of the terracotta warriors years ago and subsequently convinced myself that it was something that I really wanted to see. I convinced Robbins to come with me as he had never seen them himself. My reasons, I must admit were mostly selfish on my part as my Mandarin is terrible and his is fluent plus he’s also a pisshead and I wanted to party.

For some reason his girlfriend had been reluctant to let him go, especially with me. Her impression of me was that of some feckless playboy with too much time and money who would undoubtedly be a bad influence. When I asked how she had come to this conclusion, Robbins explained.

“Well mate she asked me what you were doing in China and I told her that you were doing nothing”

Thanks mate. Funnily enough that was the same reason why Shirley didn’t want me to go with you.

Any illusions that I had of doing this tour on a budget were quickly dispelled when we got there. We booked into a four star hotel. We hired our own driver who recommended the best KTV’s in town. We went to KTV (If you’re reading this Shirley I made this part up. I didn’t really go). We kicked on to a nightclub in town where another bottle was ordered. It was only the first night and I was wasted. I have fragmented memories of that night. Telling Robbins for the twentieth time how good the complimentary spicy crackers were, sculling drinks with the club manager, leaning out of the taxi in the Muslim quarter to compliment a local on his fez-like hat while giving him the thumbs up as we zipped by. I think he smiled.