V IS FOR FESTIVAL

It was with some trepidation that I made my way to Chelmsford for the V festival. Back home Chelmsford was this mental asylum where patients were treated to electric shock therapy. They would give you a rubber bone and a hundred volts and apparently this would cure you of whatever mental disease you suffered from. Modern medicine sure has come a long way from the olden days. Funnily enough apparently it does work as my mate’s aunty can testify.

The first thing I saw when I got into the festival was a small non-descript bin with “Please drop any drugs into this amnesty bin. There are drug sniffer dogs patrolling the festival. You may be searched!” I’m guessing that nobody deposited anything into that thing. It may have been the two coppers standing right next to it that may of put some people off.

I had a ripper of a day. Never thought I'd ever say this about a festival but geez the catering was good. The variety of food on offer was great. Chinese, mexican, pies, italian.....but i digress.

Saw the Magic Numbers whose sound sort of got lost in the open air. They were still pretty good though, even Cleaver thought so.

Kaiser Chiefs spent the whole set saying “We are the Kaiser Chiefs” almost as if we couldn’t read the massive sign behind them saying “Kaiser Chiefs”. Maybe they've played too many charity concerts for the seeing impaired. I'm kind of disappointed to find out that they're not South African but actually from Leeds.

Maroon 5 were okay. They must be the most covered band in Asia. It was kind of nice to hear the songs played by the actual band without the hot Filipino female lead singer.

Jet rocked. A great aussie pub rock band. “Are you gonna be my girl?” went off.

I like the Doves but only when I’m depressed and want to slit my wrists (Not really trying. Just to get attention of course)

Surprisingly for me, Oasis were the best of the lot. You know how much I love kareoke. Well imagine 60,000 people singing every Oasis song known to man in the world's biggest kareoke session. I was in heaven. I’m not an Oasis fan but its kind of funny how you still know all the words. I was so drunk that for a brief moment as I sang the last few lines of "Live Forever" I almost believed I would. Fucking magic!

Cleaver who knows the most imaginative ways to pee at a festival. You are a king!

Steph, Alison & I

A massive sunday session at the Slug. Down there at 3PM for the Chelsea v Arsenal (which was farking boring) and there till 11PM. Have some cracker shots of the Bigness and I off our faces.

The Slug Count - Six