I'VE BEEN DEFILED!

It finally happened to me. I was numb from shock. The trust that had been built over two and a half years was shattered in a moment of madness. I spent hours in the shower, foetus like scrubbing away the hurt longing for the protection of my mother’s womb.

Yes you guessed it. Some bastard skimmed 870 quid from my bank account. The fuckers cloned my card. Can someone tell me when the human race made this particular technological break through? I knew that we could clone sheep and maybe the odd two headed baby but chip and pin cards?

Luckily for me it was at the end of the pay cycle when I desperately struggle to rub two pennies together and avoid the first round at the pub like I avoid exercise and vegetables but unluckily I have a 500 quid overdraft which I imagine they spent with glee. How you manage to spend that much money at Boots I will never know. It’s impossible. I’ve tried and failed miserably.

What I would spend £870 on at Boots.

50 jars of VO5 Fibre Putty (hair product) £150
A pack of condoms £4 (you never know when you might get lucky)
A four pack of Mach 3 razors £10 (that should last me a year or two)
Moisturiser £5 (It’s totally acceptable for blokes to use this stuff)

Total Expenditure at Boots £169

It just doesn’t add up.